John: Tell Yourself it's Okay
by SakuraHawke
Summary: John comes home in his red shoes and black suit to sleep his night away, and willingly his life. It takes place in an AU where everyone is a human and I suppose high-schoolers as well. TW: There is a certain amount of death with little to no description.


He steps into his room in a daze. He loosens his tie on his suit, and kind of just slump against his closed bedroom door. His brain is empty, blank. This whole day is over-riding his brain, and he wishes it wouldn't. All he wants is to be able to get rid of this god awful black suit, kick off these stupid red shoes...

And maybe he can get some sleep tonight if he climbs in early.

This is the plan that has been followed through and continues to be in action until he falls asleep five hours later. Then he dreams.

He was at his computer, halfway dressed for the dinner he and his dad were going to be going to. Vriska, a girl from his school who he was kind of-sort of-actually were-in a not really official relationship with, was talking a lot of blubberish to him via messenger.

She had just finished talking about how she was close to feeling sorry for a guy she sent to the hospital. He didn't know how to feel about this. On one hand, it was in a form of self-defense, but in the other, the guy was on life support now. That guy could end up dying in the week, so maybe she should be feeling a little bit badder about it? He didn't know. It's weird because no one knows, but him and it's weird. It's weird because it's weird.

"I just want a 8r8k, John. Why c8n't this cool d8wn already?" Her message bleeped on the screen.

He wished he knew a way to comfort her, but he knew this would take too long. He had to leave in less than ten minutes. He started trying things out like, "to be honest, vriska, you sent a guy to the hospital and he's practically dead already. police are obviously going to be snooping this out." He deleted this, and tried again, "it'll 8e fine. know one has to know you sta88ed a guy in the chest with a lance. that happens all the time!" He sighed and deleted this message as well. Why was this so hard?

"John?"

"yes?" He simply asked back.

"It's okay. I kn8w y8u h8te me n8w."

He stared blankly at the message, then quickly typed back to her, "no. no that's not right, vriska. i don't hate you. i don't think what you did was a good thing, but i don't hate you for it."

"Are you almost ready?" His dad called up the stairs to him. He could tell that he wasn't going to let him make them late for their date with the Lalondes.

He rolled his eyes. "Yes, Dad! I'll be down in a sec!" He yelled to his door, then looked back to the new message on the monitor.

"Really?"

"yes really. i know you only meant to defend yourself," He typed quickly before throwing his tie on under his collar, and then stooped to put on his shoes.

Another bleep, and he looked back to the screen while trying to tie his laces. "Th8nks, John. You really are a nice person."

He smiled, then fixed the other shoe on before typing back, "look, i've got to get going to that dinner, but we need to talk a8out this more. do you mind waiting until i come 8ack?"

"Oh yeah, that thing is tonight isn't it. Good luck not getting toooooooo em8arrassed then. :::;)"

"ha. i'll try not to. talk to you later. :B"

"Okay. 8ye 8a8y." He blushed at the last message, and logged off of Pesterchum.

He spun around to grab his coat from off the back, and he roughly put it on as he went out the door, and down the two-tiered staircase.

His dad stood, tapping his foot at him with his arms crossed, waiting for him like some impatient child. It boggled his mind that Rose's mom could turn his dad into this kind of person, but it also maded him happy for him in some way.

In any case, they both left to go pick up the other pair for their four-way date.

He honestly didn't understand why both their parents thought this was a good idea. Rose agreed that she'd rather not join in on this event, but it seemed to be something that her mom was forcing her to do. It also seemed like there was a no-alcohol deal laid down on the table. Something he raised his eyebrows to, but said nothing more on the subject. He supposed that there was no harm in eating out with his dad, and his friend, and his dad's really special friend. Nothing awkward in the least to report.

Except it was awkward when his dad ordered a prime bottle of wine for his friend's mom, and thus the small promise between mother and daughter was shattered. He cringed inwardly, and gave a small glance to Rose, decked out in a gothly purple dress. She merely sighed and leaned down on her elbow. It was going to be a long night.

Sometime during the main course, he decided that a bathroom break was in order. He tried as politely as possible to excuse himself from the table, then passed Rose to the bathroom and as he passed her, she slipped her phone into his pocket. He wanted to stop to ask her why, but she gave him a little shove to keep him moving.

He only stopped to check the phone after a break at the urinal and sink. He stood there by the wall, and flipped her phone open. On it he could tell that she had received three new messages. He didn't want to pry, but felt like they might be for him anyway, so he opened them up.

"Rose. It's Vriska. I need to talk to John."

"Hello?"

"Oh god, pleeeeeeeease?"

He eyed the messages bemusedly. Then he dialed the number he had memorized by heart, and waited for an answer.

"John?" A hurried breath answered on the other line.

"Yeah, it's me. What's up? I thought we were going to wait until tonight." He slumped against the wall.

"Ha. Things...changed. Cops looking for me now...Gotta keep moving." Her voice was airy, like she was blowing it out like a drag.

"Oh god, where are you now?" His eyebrows scrunched together in concern.

"Some...street. Look, John...Can you promise me something?"

"Uh, yeah. What?"

"Ha, ah, come on a date with me...after you're done...with dinner."

He straightened up. "Okay. Where?" He looked over to the mirror at his tense frame. His face was contorted with a mix of disbelief and concern.

"I'll...I'll tell you when I'm there," She huffed out. He hoped she wasn't exerting herself too much.

"Okay. Just be car-" He's cut off by a bunch of loud gunshots coming from the dining-room.

"John?!"

He rushed out of the bathroom to peak around the corner. A man in a black suit and a dog mask stood in front of a couple of tables where a lot of blood was now visible.

"John?! What's going on?!" He could hear Vriska was startled even over the line.

"I don't know," He tried to whisper back. He slipped down to the ground, and he could see that was where a majority of everyone else was at. "Something's going down here at the restaurant. I'm fine." He started to make it over to the tables. The man was going to leave, so he figured he could go see if his party was okay. Shuffling forward on three limbs, he kept the phone to his ear.

"Jesus, John. I...I can't..."

"Vriska?!" He whispered a bit too loudly. The dog-masked man was about to leave before he turned to face down the sudden voice. He had stopped at just the wrong angle, and it took a second to plant a bullet in his side. He fell to the ground as blood started to pool around the wound.

"John? Are you...are you okay?"

"Could-" He hacked. "Could be better." He answered to the phone that fell an arms length away. The front door slammed shut, and he could hear the other people start to get back up. Someone called to see if he were alright.

"Oh god, John, I'm so so so so sorry." She started whispering to him through the phone. "John? Can you hear me? Oh god, John-"

"I-No. Vriska? It's okay-"

Stop saying it's okay!" She hissed. "It's not okay. It hasn't been okay since square one. Where were you hit? John?"

He took a large breath. "My...side. I think. I...I think I can still move."

"No! Don't move. Moving is the one thing-"

"Rose..." He breathed out as he saw Rose sprawled out on the floor just a little bit ahead of him. Hurriedly, he made his side burn heavy as he wriggled his way over to her side, grabbing her phone as he went. Her face was still the same, but...

"Rose? What's wrong with-"

"She's not breathing," He said quickly, panicking as he waved his hand under her nose and felt for a heart beat. "There's no pulse," He practically screeched as he started to enter hyperventilation mode.

"No, John? John, CALM DOWN. Do mouth to mouth. You can keep her going before the ambu-oh SHIT." He heard a bunch of garbage cans rattling before the line was cut, however he was not particularly listening because he was already trying to follow through with Vriska's advice.

It felt like hours before a woman in uniform asked him to move back and another came to get a look at his side. He flinched at having to move around, and soon passed out from all the exertion he'd been through.

That's when he left his body to view the scene he knew played out after he had left. They had Rose hooked up to some machines and one he knew should have been showing a bouncing red line was actually showing it flat. He smiled in relief when they got that line to bounce again. The ambulance guys called him a hero while they loaded her up on a gurney and he watched them as they left the restaurant. Now it's just him.

"Is it sad...?" A voice scared him half to death. He turned around, shocked to see Vriska standing there.

"Is what sad?" He asked, confused by her presence.

"Is it sad that I wish you would have saved me instead of her?" She asked, sullenly looking at the floor with her real arm loosely hugging her prosthetic.

"Vriska..."

"It's okay, John. It's fine. See? I'm fine. Just got shot in the back by some newb police officer with no one around to help. I am just perfectly fine, John. Perfectly fine," She ends her little rant with a pair of sad eyes that make him want to cry.

"No, Vriska. It's not fine. If I could have helped you-"

"You would have. I know," She smiled up at him. He blinked, but then took a step toward her.

"Vriska..." He said hopelessly.

"I know this has been said a lot already, but it is fine. Sincerely," Vriska said, looking him in the eyes as she spoke.

"It shouldn't be," He said with a deep emptiness as he walked towards her, and stopped just in front of the other teen.

She leaned back against the bloodied table behind her and shooed her hair out of her face. "Want to go on that date now?" She asked, as she grabbed lightly onto his almost transparent arm. He noticed then that she too held this semi solid tone.

"Sure," He replied, leaning in for a hug.

He sits up then in his awakened form, trying to hug the air. The sun shines through his window, and he cusses out it's extreme brightness and the pain that expands through his side where the stitches are getting pulled at.

It's been a week since John had lost his almost-girlfriend, and only a day after her funeral. Sadly, he wasn't getting much better, but he was sure that with the help of the Crocker family, he could start to live in the present again. But for now, John just hopes that he'll be able to hug her next time he saw her in his dreams.

* * *

a/n: Why is this that the only things I've written for Homestuck have, in some way, a connection to Mom and Dad's death scene? Really me? Really?

Well, anyway, death scene aside, I hope you liked this AU version. :33


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